So chris is leaving in 2 - 3 weeks time, apparently now it's 'more confirmed' than last time. I remember waking up the day after i found out and thinking 'omg is this real?'

*checks blog* oh well.

But there is happiness to be found, i got everything i prayed for. More time, reconciliation, i got it all.

Oh thanks be to God whom through all things are possible.

......................

I don't think i really like the fact that the whole world knows about my alleged crush. It gives me sort of a code of conduct to follow, i feel.

I can't go around acting stupid or people will think i am incapable of love

I can't go around acting shallow or people will think i am just lusting after someone, deluded

Or should i replace 'acting' with 'being'?

Sigh? Or maybe i'm just so paranoid, having grown up in a hypocritical and deceiving environment.

...................

I really don't know what to think about some people now, they act nice to me, but i get the feeling that it's a farce, as past experiences have told me.

When i get affected by an insult, it's not because of the potential truth in it, but the fact that the person means it.

I don't know, maybe my friendship with some people just isn't built up on understanding each other