How many people that call themselves Christians actually realise how unworthy we are of God's love? How many grasp the irony and enormity of Christ's death? Or how it was truly the ultimate sacrifice?

This is not meant to be cynical, don't worry

(now I’m stuck as how to continue, doh?)

Oh well

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school is dreary and I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with the illustrious school in which we study. Homework is such a burden, it's important and yet so overwhelming. A prime example is advanced math.

We get taught for ten minutes, but are given enough homework to last a week, or two.

Disclaimer: this gauge is for AVERAGE-working people, but I don't suppose I’m one of them so what am I talking about

then there's chinese. Reflective of the country itself, we are swarmed.

bah or I am just lazy, as many who manage to do all their work among other commitments might say.

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Sigh when will I stop getting paranoid about how people see me? I just made myself seem like a total idiot after getting all excited and scared over the last part of SOMEONE's blog post, when I should be learning to trust and have faith in our God-blessed relationship.

sigh

Some people should learn that making me promise promises I can't keep is just shooting yourself in the foot. Wow okay that’s nice you make me promise something you know I can't keep, then get all pissed and lecture me about trust when you yourself aren't very trustworthy with all your freaking snooping around.

Get a life lah, too bad I have to go back on the weekends since you allegedly miss me, or rather miss barging into my room without knocking and insisting that you are allowed to do such things. I’m sick and tired of your disrespect for my privacy and person, so I can safely say that I would rather stay here over the weekend by myself than go home. So there, you threaten to take things away from me? What’s there except necessities considering that I’m living in a hostel?

Sigh or maybe I’m just unappreciative and ungrateful, shame on me?

Probably

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Our new yg5 is decidedly good, but I don't feel a sense of bonding at all. Sure we have most of the old members, but we also lost a few of the people that were really a part of the old yg5. Take Alastair for an example, we no longer have a good role model outside of the ygls to follow in our context; or you could take the example of Becky and Chris who liven up youth group with their antics, when they decide to be present of course.

But oh well, things just happen, not necessarily shit, but you have to accept it either way. Bah?

At least I have ties with both Ailene and Paul, shouldn't be too bad.

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I think there's quite a significant difference between a personal blog and a self-centered blog; I can safely say that my blog is personal, but I don't insist that everything I say has to be about me do I?

So chris is leaving in 2 - 3 weeks time, apparently now it's 'more confirmed' than last time. I remember waking up the day after i found out and thinking 'omg is this real?'

*checks blog* oh well.

But there is happiness to be found, i got everything i prayed for. More time, reconciliation, i got it all.

Oh thanks be to God whom through all things are possible.

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I don't think i really like the fact that the whole world knows about my alleged crush. It gives me sort of a code of conduct to follow, i feel.

I can't go around acting stupid or people will think i am incapable of love

I can't go around acting shallow or people will think i am just lusting after someone, deluded

Or should i replace 'acting' with 'being'?

Sigh? Or maybe i'm just so paranoid, having grown up in a hypocritical and deceiving environment.

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I really don't know what to think about some people now, they act nice to me, but i get the feeling that it's a farce, as past experiences have told me.

When i get affected by an insult, it's not because of the potential truth in it, but the fact that the person means it.

I don't know, maybe my friendship with some people just isn't built up on understanding each other

hmm okay so i'm out of hibernation for now.

why haven't i been blogging? good question.

maybe it's because i can't seem to think of anything interesting to write; is life really that uninteresting? no? yeah it isn't, so bad reason.

maybe it's because i'm afraid of being misunderstood and judged by sanctimonious, self-righteous and condescending people. well that's not unfounded, considering a couple of incidents i've had with a certain someone; whom i intend to give a tight slap as a parting gift at the end of the year. i dont want to put up with getting paranoid over whether people are making opinions about me which they arent telling me and talking about me behind my back; but i guess people do that, and thus i am paranoid. so not that bad a reason, but oh well.

maybe it's because i'm afraid of saying anything that might be potentially incriminating, especially after what mr alistair chew talked about blogging during hall meeting yesterday. doh? everything must be justified? what if i want to indirectly espress my unhappiness and disgust for someone for reasons i can't be bothered/ can't say? huh huh huh? (haha)

maybe i'm afraid (again) of being looked at of as stupid. nothing i can do if people see results as the highest level of intelligence.

orrrrr....

maybe i'm just lazy, heh.

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this post is written for the sole purpose of explaining why i don't blog often, no promise or gurantee has been made that i will continue to do so. (but i shall try)