okay.. lastest last post on my blog for 2005 (heehee koped the survey from ian ^^)

.................

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?
actually realised that scoring in exams has some significance

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
erm... what resolutions?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no.

5. What countries did you visit?
shanghai (oep), malaysia (church camp), sentosa (youth camp?!)

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
an electric guitar stronger bonds with God and church people

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
manymany, church camp, youth camp, my house, daryl's house, ian's house, results release, first time playing for church, chapel worship, getting screwed by mr tan, getting pissed off with chris, fab being an idiot, 'i kissed dating goodbye' ETCETCETCETC

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
To avert a disaster before it intensified

9. What was your biggest failure?
To fail to give up a stupid infatuation easily; let a considerable portion of the disaster happen anyway

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
hardly except i have a huge cut on my foot just gotten today

11. What was the best thing you bought?
a book from life bookstore costing me $17.99 after student discount

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Chriskng for being the sister i never had (awww!)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
fabriz tong yi jen, ian lim wei

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bob the bass

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
uhh... the prospect of rayner being kicked out of yg5?

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
With Every Breath - Jars of Clay and Sixpence none the richer (or something like that)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? i was happier than last year and at the same time sadder so it kinda even's out
b) thinner or fatter? what is the result of snacking all day?
c) richer or poorer? i obtained huge amounts of money but spent it all so i dont know

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
yg outings!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
being an idiot to chrisong swearing

20. How will you be spending Christmas? no need for this

21. What was your favorite month of 2005?
november

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
hm. how would i know? not sure if it even was true love.

23. How many one-night stands?
o.O none

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Lost.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
gosh where to begin....

26. What was the best book you read?
I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (:

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
rammstein dunno...various artists who arranged the songs that i like nicely

28. What did you want and get?
Bob the Bass

29. What did you want and not get?
christineongweiying the destruction of the school system oh woe..

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
none in particular...

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i studied for the damn exams -.-

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A close relationship with God

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
'argh i'm not wearing anything but black, dark blue and occasionally red'

34. What kept you sane?
people whom i can confide in

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
huh... do i know any? (hehe i just found out that tony blair was the prime minister of great britain yesterday)

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
huh? what's going on eh?

37. Who did you miss?
Loo Shek Kien (for obvious reasons)

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Daryl i guess

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Angst is fun/annoying/irritating/makes-people-think-you-are-poser/trytoactcool

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
'God will make a way where there seems to be no way'

........................

happy 2006 in advance everyone

people that do not have what i want to buy in stock exist only to annoy me andmake me waste time and energy.

fancy not having a game you want in stock, in the whole damn funan center, sigh oh well i shall live without it then

.................

since i will have no time to blog tomorrow as i will be too busy having fun(?) at ian ng's house mansion, i should do my reflections on the year.

what an eventful year, the graph of ups and downs is more violent than ever, mostly on the downsides.

things i did:
-come to senses about what it means to be a christian (i sense the criticism of many)
-crap up school and fail everything (again)
-joined music team
-played for chapel with the out-of-tune guitar with no thanks to a certain mugger who has no life
-ranted about alot of people
-hated alot of people
-'loved' someone
-found out that it wasnt right
-struggled with letting go till now
-backstabbed and deceived by someone whom i thought was my friend
-learnt abit more about myself and my character
-bought christine (oh wait that was last year)
-bought bob
-made a few more friends
-drifted apart from a few
-bonded better with my yg
-youth camp with a stupid note
-church camp with a stupid clique
-christmas with a mime and fawning aunties

gosh i cant remember anymore, but looking back i am proud to say that school wasnt everything to me, unlike some people who let it dictate how they live. (TIM AND KAIJUN ARE YOU READING THIS?) i guess its good to break free of this stupid system, which i forsee i will wish i was back in it when i break out of it

oh sigh how screwed up the world is.

..............

i apologise for the less-than-happy mood for this blog post as i am worn out and tired and pissed off.

oh okay i think i will blog.

chrstmas day yesterday was quite fun, mime was good with psychotic aunties screaming praises, paul and elaine's full-of-crapness..

omgiamsosadchrisongdidntgivemeanythingbutthenagainshedidntgivechrisknganythingsoishouldntexpect anything

i get a little toy guitar thingy with 4 strings, all the same thickness,

paul: you can put a speaker inside, then plug in mp3 player, then can pretend to play!
me: doh all 4 strings are the same thickness
elaine: good wad, then you can play a monotone, but 4 times the loudness!
me: o.O

dohh..

.................

then there was the psuedo-gathering at my house in my lovely new room, where alot of my stuff was abused T.T. poor sally christine and bob and my comp.... oh well at least you people had fun.

..................

seeing ling off wasnt really impactful.. but then again i'm the type of person who only realises the impact much later so oh well..

PEOPLE CRASHING THE RESIDENCE OF IAN NG WEIZHE BE DISAPPOINTED, BY THE TIME YOU REACH YOU MIGHT JUST BE TOO EXHAUSTED TO CRASH IT!!!

reason? we are walking from acs to ian's richass house in cluny park with the pool cum septic tank. how incredibly fun!

however dean made the extremely horrible suggestion of making me and rayner the screwtard prayer partners. oh well too bad i cant slap him in a public place -.-

..............

holidays ending, i realise the only thing that makes me not feel like going back to school is the prospect of handing in holiday homework.

as i sat in parkway parade watching people go by, it brought back memories...

as i watched my primary 5 cousin open his presents are see the childish glee in his eyes...

as i did all these things, i thought of how DUMB it would be to use these simple issues and force yourself to think of it philosophically and make it sound like some cheesy reflection done for the sake of doing it. just like those you do after some stupid school orientation or camp that had no impact at all.

and blog about them in this 'philosophical' way when there's nothing philosophical about them anyway. sure you might say 'oho but it shows that i think deeply about mundane things! ahaha! you are WRONG'. then i could be a bitch and say 'oh then if i go into a female toilet deliberately means that i think deeply too! because apparently forcing yourself to do stuff without it being natural means you are a DEEP THINKER!'

ahaha so therefore you are WRONG! (:

.............

hmm i think know i was being unneccesarily full of crap and 'rantish', but its all in good fun teehee.

i think i also realised that ranting is easy, comes naturally, and fills up tonnes of blog space without needing to think about what to write! woohoo!

...............

imagine the time is 12:01, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

christmas shopping is fun/tiring/frustrating/emptying

40++ dollars gone in a single day! wow thats probable more than i have ever spent in one day on.... not so expensive stuff (haha that sounds is useless innit (: )

people i bought presents for

-chrisong
-chriskng
-ian
-ian
-daryl

..................

i think something not being in stock is probably the stupidest reason for not being able to buy something you want.

you have the money, you went all the way there, you argued with your mom over not informing her when you left the house, you fiddled with your useless zen to make sure the sound came out correctly for 20 minutes, you walk 5 metres from the bus stop to the building in the SCORCHING SUN, you go to the wrong part of the store, ask the assistant and look like a fool.

AND THEY DONT FREAKING HAVE THE DARN BOOK

&%(#(%(#@&%(&#(&%(#&@(%&@#(&%(&#@(%&(@#&%(@&#

.....................

then there was display of the useless shop assistant:

i ask 'excuse me do you have *whatever book*'

*immediately* 'its not in stock, piss off come back in a week'

-walks to sweelee to pick picks for people- (pun NOT intended) then it dawns on me that the assistant just couldn't give a damn and thus ought to be shot.

so i go back and ask ANOTHER assistant

"the stock is in, but we havent started opening the boxes yet, i'll take your name, if we find the book we'll give you a call"

"how soon?"

"i dont know, maybe a few days"

*SIGH*

gosh i didnt know opening boxes took so long, wonder what the only word to describe this situation is (hinthint: it starts with U, has 7 letters, and is what chrisong is the epitome of)

.....................

ah well i think i might need to buy more presents, sigh.

here's kenny's

YOU GET ONE WISH OF ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR?
To understand God better/be closer to God

WISH FOR 6 MORE WISHES.
1. financial literacy/money.
2. freedom
3. people around me to be happy
4. ability to play the guitar properly
5. maturity
6. less mats in the world 6 more wishes.

WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE?
eagle

SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO IN YOUR LIFE:
help people

ONE SONG YOU COULD LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
(seriously can't think of anything here)

COKE OR PEPSI?
Coke (lime)

SOMETHING YOU CURRENTLY DESIRE:
better guitar skills

ONE GOOD DEED YOU¡¯VE DONE LATELY:
donated to charity

A FUNNY MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE:
any moment spent with my brother

5 ppl to do:
daryl, kaijun, arjun, chriskng, LKY

here you go ian...

IF YOU’VE BEEN SINGLED OUT: Rules: Copy and paste the questions to your site and answer them, then pick five people whom you wish to be Singled Out. Don’t forget to tell them they’ve been Singled Out

YOU GET ONE WISH OF ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR?
To be really passionate about God since its the only thing in life i see worth living for.

WISH FOR 6 MORE WISHES.
1. money. (duh)
2. to be able to know exactly where every note on the fret board is
3. that rayner will be kicked out of lwmc, or yg5 at the very least and swapped for valentia
4. spend a holiday with yg5 minus rayner for as long as i please
5. that EoS will evaporate on the 31st of December.
6. *ahem* what do you think?

WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE?
An orca, top of the food chain, carefree life, only fear is of man

SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO IN YOUR LIFE:
convince myself that the world isnt as screwed up as it is.

ONE SONG YOU COULD LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN:
In Christ Alone

COKE OR PEPSI?
Coke.

SOMETHING YOU CURRENTLY DESIRE:
(people dont count right) black fender stratocaster which i will call BANE

ONE GOOD DEED YOU’VE DONE LATELY:
erm... taught chrisong how to palm-mute? o.O

A FUNNY MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE:
various polar-bear incidents. eg. rayner the mc: polar bears wake up, that means you eric. -.-"

5 ppl to do:
chriskng, daryl, kenny (i suppose i'll extract his reply and post it for him), kaijun, julian (how interesting)

gosh what an eventful day. tired, worn out, but content i suppose.

slept at 1:30, woke up at 7. this would be due to the corrupting influences of chris and ian that lured me to come for mime.

but of course they didnt tell me that i was to participate, sneaksy...

so oh well i'll have to wear ALL BLACK (woohoo) next sunday and ahem mime to the song 'people need the Lord'. its actually quite fun btw.

................

lunch with chris and vally was...quite interesting, what with playing with the curry and all. but at least i got to know vally better, how nice awww.

i am content with how things turned out at michael's house.

-becky didnt come (hmm)
-chrisong did however (hmm hmm)
-the dota people stuck in their group
-we got to jam, as i hoped we would

i agree with mike that hillsongs ARE difficult to play. how many times have we tried singing 'everyday' for sunday worship and it turning out to be a failure? only paul managed to pull it off properly oh well

....................

now i finally believe that not doing anything leaving things into God's hands and letting him make a way for you is the very best thing to do when you face a problem.

hmm. why am i always so stony when outdoors? could it be that isolating myself in my own little world (with christine and bob and sally [yes i realised that the name is perfect -.-]) makes me uncomfortable around other people?

eek, not very comforting.

...............

oh well, cip at bethany was extra labour i guess. some of the volunteers looked remarkably irritable, and as a result the old people looked irritable too. or vice versa.

not really impactful on the whole, but meaningful

i would like to say that our outing was great until a certain retard troll decided to crash it due to the other guy making the dumass mistake of giving away our location. but it wasnt that great, i mean like.. stoning around in mac's and ian even forgot to tell the purple passion joke.

then of course chris and becky decided to stick together (both literally and figuratively) and dao everyone ): ah well... at least ian found his pencil case.

.....................

its not my fault if certain stupid people (fine, just rayner) do not understand the sentimental value of a pick.

yes a PICK, a guitar pick for the knowledge deprived (like me, heh)

hmm maybe its the countless occasions you used it, the special events you used it for, worship on sunday, people that used it? your pick becomes your FRIEND and BUDDY and you can t do without it. and once its LOST, you feel extremely grieved

but of course rayner cannot be considered a guitarist so he has no right to say anything about it.

................

chris is a moron i barred talking to her until rayner showed up and my hate was magnetically attracted to the stinking bulk of the troll. and of course she's still lying to me about what she bought from the toy store.

phooey

sheesh dave is so deliberately and blatantly irritating that its not even irritating anymore, thats a good thing btw. oh no i was so lethargic today whats wrong with me, daryl calls it the 'chrisong effect'

o.O

.....................

anyway been wanting to post about the strip of paper thing that we did on sunday but i forgot, simple and useless as that. here it is:

December 2004
Rejoice: Christmas (and the precious maoam and card received)

January 2005
Rejoice: OEP

February 2005
Rejoice: Discipleship retreat (or was it in jan?)

April 2005
Rejoice: Joined the useless LW music team

May 2005
Rejoice: the book
Un-rejoice: the book

June 2005
Rejoice: Youth Camp
Un-rejoice: Youth Camp

July 2005
Rejoice: First time playing for church (youth day on the 2nd wahaha)

September 2005
Rejoice: Home Alone

October 2005
Un-rejoice: exam results

December 2005
Rejoice: Church Camp
Un-rejoice: Church Camp

................

ah well..

sigh how to address this issue? on one hand i am getting really tired of all your bitching and feel like ranting about it. but on the other hand i know it'll do no good and i want to preserve the few slivers of our friendship.

only if you do too, i assume.

i realise that when i get exasperated beyond tolerance its because of the way you do it. the remarks you make always have a certain truth behind them, and it hurts like hell. i hate it whenever you do these, because it just gives me the impression that behind all your 'you're okay lah's you just hate me to the damn core.

and it hurts like hell.

i dont know whether you even care how i feel, since you have shown little sensitivity the last time i wrote an 'emotional' post like this. i get the impression that you harbour lots and lots of negative feelings towards me, then drop your disapproval on me without any warning. i harbour negative feelings too, but i keep them quiet, and hope that they will go away sooner or later.

it's been working.

what to say now? i dont know, but i care, and whether you do or not is up to you... if i sounded bitchy or whatever you might want to overlook it because this post was meant for me to sound pathetic and un-angry. maybe it didnt work.

sigh spent most of today, or rather yesterday stoning around the house doing nothing. why? because there was nowhere in the house for me to go, and i wasnt allowe dto go out anyway.

lets look through the thought process (yes i can actually think you asses -.-)

-cannot play games, cause they are on the comp
-find something else to do- play HER which i am still unable to name cause i wont accept anything other than christine. but guess what? the chords for today's worship are on the comp! sheesh
-find something ELSE to do. really have nothing better to do, feels like doing EoS. BUT GUESS WHAT?! ITS ON THE COMP TOO. OMG AGRKHGSKFKSAGFKGASKGRKHASKRH PISSSYSYSYYSYSY

thus i am able to conclude that there is nothing to do in the house other than the computer.

this is proven by the fact that after catching up on lost tv episodes due to church camp, one will be forced to watch stupid dvds to wheedle away the time before the renovaters PISS OFF go away. an example of one such stupid dvd will be the tremendously boring and gay show called alexander.

THEY SHOW HIM KISSING ANOTHER GUY AND SCREWING AROUND AND BEING A LUNATIC AND THEY SAY HES GREAT?! AAAH badbadbad. oh well.

................

reflection #4:

this is probably the last one unless i think of something else realy important. by now i'm quite sure that there are morons and backstabbers and whisperers-behind-your-back badmouthing me over not saying anything about the religious aspect of the church camp and saying everything else first.

well the truth is that it didnt really impact me much, its always touching to hear a testimony on how someone with a life even more screwed up than mine overcomes the odds with the help of God and become a servant of Him. but that was it, the trac president's sermons were rather confusing and hard to follow due to useless powerpoint management.

to be frank, i think the thing that impacted me most spiritually was the yg5 meeting we had. when rayner was an ass and ran off at the first possible moment he should go and die. its always good to hear the group discuss about how we want to bond and all, cause it give me the impression that these people actually BOTHER about becoming closer to each other.

however impressions arent always accurate but i shall try to be optimistic not to be pessimistic and hope that our yg will bond.

.....................

playing today, hope my new strings and she-who-has-not-been-named will serve me and ultimately God well.

bah what else is there to reflect on except that

reflection #3

church camp creates a timeless zone for us to escape from our crappy lives, even more so that your regular holiday. theres the sinking feeling when you know that youre going back to singapore

sigh.

i will never, never miss another music practice ever again.

reflection #2

i was quite disappointed that i did not manage to achieve this particular goal with you. i set out on the camp with the goal to rebuild our friendship in mind. but whenever i see you you are always in that clique, unapproachable, as if you had a shield to 'protect' you.

its getting increasingly hard and frustrating to let go of you. you confuse me.

argh.

random-thought-about-church-camp #1

polar bear.

despite how easy it is to get a large group of people to play this game, its a very intellectual game as it requires one to know how to manipulate human nature and theirs thoughts.

screaming at people to kill them while they are the polar bear is NOT reverse psychology and doesnt work at all.

its better to have a small group of people who know how to play than to have a large group of people who dont.

rayner can screw the heck off

oh well ian is really good at it despite how full of crap he is during 'sleeping time'. but its all part of the strategy no?

i think i will blog about church camp when i have collected my thoughts and reflected properly. for now my mind is a mess of nonsense and rubbish thanks to excessive amounts of lost sleep.

going to chriskng's house was insane and a shocking display of uselessness. (and also a great example of why women dont become military commanders). but of course it was all fun and enjoyous.

..............

you realise that it isnt really what facilities the house or place of gathering can offer, but the people that you interact with. you can have the most boring house in the world (like mine), but if you invite oh say yg5 minus rayner . alot of laughter and speechlessness would result from:

-dean's uselessness
-ling siew's uselessness
-kenny's uselessness
-chriskng's uselessness
-my uselessness
-ian's pointlessness
-andrew's full-of-crapness
-hannah's autism?
-allison's antics
-mervyn's happiness
-alastair's randomness
-daryl's reaction to all of the above

and last but not least, chrisong and becky. (nuff said)

rayner's stupidity and obtuseness and trollishness

.................

church camp tomorrow, hopefully i'll get to observe more of the above, and good luck kenny on both being able to join at the last minute, and also getting a troll (and his club) for a roommate.

today marks the first day of december.

2005 is already coming to a close, too damn quickly.

holiday life has been quite unfulfilling.